第十三篇：感动丫！

29/10/08_Wednesday

今天出席了我们班的jamuan。。。
莉没出席嘞。。。睡不醒！哈哈~害我们三个急死了！以为她被拐了~哈哈！
还算有蛮多东西吃得啦~只是不怎么好吃(^^*)。。。呵呵~
10点多就结束，剩下的时间。。。闷！！！
不知道怎样，就“熬过”了两个多小时。。。

明天说好去找工的。。。可是轩不能做，剩下我一个好象怪怪的~
erm...我必须找一些事情做啊~不然剩下的两个月我要怎么活下去啊？！
闷都闷死了！每天起床就ON9，到了晚上12点就OFF9。。。
我的老天。。。以我这种“闷不起”(受不了闷的)的性格。。。怎么能这样浪费掉这两个月呢？。。。NO WAY!

中午我哭了。。。看了一篇很感动很感动的故事。。。是friendster的朋友po在布告栏的。

This story is about a girl who felt ignored..

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin.
I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club, I found out that I fell in love with him.
Before the trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him.
And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways.
I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there was so many other girls.
To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl...

"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I can't"
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment grabbing me.
"No... I am going to meet a friend..."

He was always like that.
He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing.
To him, I was just a girlfriend.
The word 'love' only came out of my mouth.
Since I knew him, I had never heard I'm say 'I love you' before.
To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all.
He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 1O0 days...2O0 days...
Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why...

Then one day...

Me: Um, Jin, I...
Jin: What...don't drag, just say...
Me: I love you.
Jin: ...........you.....um, just take this doll and go home.

That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll.
Then he disappeared, like he was running away.
The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one.
There were many....

Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday.
When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call.
But... lunch passed, dinner passed...and soon the sky was dark... he still didn't call.
It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore.
2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep.
He told me to come out of the house.
Still. I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin...
Jin: Here...take this...
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What's this?
Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now.
I'm going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?

I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday.
He turned around and walked away like nothing had happened.
Then I shouted...
"Wait..."
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me...
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung onto him.
But he just said simple cold words and left.
"I don't want to say...that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."

That was what he said. Then ran off...
My legs felt numb...and I collapsed to the ground. He didn't want to say it easily...
How could he...
I felt that...
Maybe he is not the right guy for me...
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying.
He didn't call me, although I was waiting.
He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house.
That's how those dolls piled up in my room... everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school.
But what made the pain resurface was that.... I saw him on a street...with another girl...
He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me...as he touched the doll...
I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell...
Why did he gave these to me...
Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls...
In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around.
Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house.
I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop.
I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that....its going to end.
Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happened and joking around.
Soon, he held out the doll as usual...
Me: I don't need it.
Jin: What....why...
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes were very shaky.
"I'm sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice.
He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll...
"You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!"

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll.
Then...
Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted...
But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
"Jin, move!"
HONK~!!!
"Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.

That's how he went away from me.

That's how he went away without evening opening his eyes to say one word to me.

After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him...
And after spending two months like a crazy person...
I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out.
I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days... when we were in love... "One...two... three..."
That was how... I started to count the dolls...
"Four hundred and eighty four... four hundred and eighty five..."
It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms.

I hugged it tightly, then suddenly...

"I love you~, I love you~"
I dropped the dolls, shocked.
"I....lo..ve...you??"
I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
"I love you~ I love you~"
It can't be!
I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
Those words came out non-stop.
I...love you...

Why didn't I realize that.....
That his heart was always by my side, protecting me.
Why didn't I realize that he love me this much...
I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road.
It had his blood stain on it.

The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much...
"Jo...Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I love you.... Um... since I was too shy... If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that i love you... everyday... till I die... Jo... I love you..."
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now?

He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute...

For that... and for that reason... to me... it became courage... to live a beautiful life...

真得很感动。。。
我的眼泪。。。狂飙！